skyfyre: Sumeragi Hokuto from X/1999, Smiling (intact except for hickeys)
skyfyre ([personal profile] skyfyre) wrote2010-01-13 02:35 pm

Patterns of Force

I wonder what made them think that Nazis In Space (space space space!) would be a good idea? Not that it was a bad episode. It wasn't! Just. Nazis. In space. Our heroes, in Nazi uniforms. And our heroes dressed up in not just one set of Nazi uniforms but in several different Nazi uniforms! Including a nice fancy dress uniform, for the mass murdering dick head who's looking for a night on the town~

So. Nazis in space.

So Captain Kirk and Spock have to go down to the planet to find a misplaced historian. In a fit of good sense, they actually have a back up plan in case they lose their communicators (as so often happens). Little locator chips are put in their arms* and in three hours the Enterprise will beam them back up, willy or nilly. Don't worry, the good sense doesn't last long.

They beam down to the planet and one thing leads to another and they find themselves in Nazi uniforms after watching a handy informational video.

Kirk: Hey, Spock, my evil uniform is way better than yours!
Spock: Yes, Captain, you would make a good Nazi.
Me: ... Oh man, Kirk, you better get some ice for that burn.

So then they get caught and then they get ~*whipped*~. They're then thrown, shirtless and beaten with handcuffs on, into their cell together. I'm sure there is fanfic about what could have happened in that cell.

But, no, instead of doing anything fun they decide to be kinda silly. Instead of stalling for three hours to wait for the Enterprise pick them up (it wouldn't even have been three hours! Surely some time had already passed!), they instead remove their chips and create a laser. Spock is clearly the reincarnation of McGuyver.

They laser the door open and Spock lays in wait while Kirk kicks up a fuss. The guard goes to open the door and his Vulcan neck pinched into oblivion.

So, they could have skipped the laser step, kicked up a fuss, and waited for the guard to open the door to over power him. Then they would have been able to keep the chips in their arms in case they needed a beam up. But, whatever, they felt like being silly. And they wanted another set of Nazi uniforms. Because they're comfy, you see.

They eventually find themselves a part of the underground movement and introduced to the hot not!evil Nazi woman who can get them close to the Fuhrer. Who happens to be the historian that the Enterprise was sent to find. Apparently Captain Kirk isn't the only one who doesn't listen to the whole "Don't interfere with alien cultures" thing. Whoops.

So they roll up to a party and are wearing yet another Nazi uniform, these ones of unknown origin. They catch a glimpse of the Fuhrer through a window in a door and they think that he looks drugged. They get in touch with the Enterprise and beam Doctor McCoy down who says that, in his medical opinion, the man looked drugged.

Dad: Nice diagnosis, Doctor.
Me: Hey, Doctor McCoy can pronounce someone dead without even looking at him. Don't be hating. Did you know that he can cure a rainy day? True fact.

So they watch a broadcast by the Fuhrer talking about the Final Solution**

Fuhrer: Death to Zion!
Nazi shit-heads: Death to Zion!
Me: *being unable to resist a good chant* Death to Zion!
My head: Um, self? Perhaps you should not be joining in with that?
Fuhrer: To victory!
Nazi shit-heads: To victory!
Me: To victory!
My head: Yeah, whatever. Good job, self.

So they get in the same room as the Fuhrer/Historian and instead of, say, beaming everyone up and solving problems from up on the ship, they pump stimulants into the Fuhrer to try to wake him up. THEY DON'T HAVE TIME TO MESS AROUND, GUYS. SPOCK, QUICK, A MIND MELD IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER. Man, it's been ages since Spock mind melded with someone. I missed it~

So, apparently, this historian wanted to help the people! He wanted to unite them! And he figured, you know, Nazi Germany, they were efficient! A war torn country nearly took over the world in just a few years! They knew how to unite people! So he'd model this planet on Nazi Germany swastikas and all.

I vote that this guy get his historian license revoked.

So while Doctor McCoy isn't looking Kirk pumps the Fuhrer with more drugs and slaps him a few times ("Captain Kirk! Are you a medical professional? I think not"***)

Then the Fuhrer rights all the wrongs before he gets machine-gunned to death by his wicked second in command. The people are going to work towards a brighter future and our heroes beam back up to the Enterprise satisfied with a job well done.

The thing about this episode is that it was actually an okay episode. There was action and cleverness and shirtless men. All of which are thing I approve of. It's just that it was set in Nazi Germany. Which is still just plain weird.

*The alien conspiracy nuts were all right. Aliens do put chips in your arm. Keep digging, guys! It's there!
**No, really.
***"Let's ignore the fact that it's questionable if Doctor McCoy is one either"


On a slightly different note: If you were going to force your friends to watch Star Trek for the first time, which episode(s) would you start with?

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