skyfyre: Sumeragi Hokuto from X/1999, Smiling (not an bricklayer. nor yet an escalator.)
skyfyre ([personal profile] skyfyre) wrote2010-03-01 01:02 pm
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I am so tired right now, you have no idea

Yesterday I watched another episode of Star Trek. It sadly lack amoebas, nazis, and gangsters.

Instead, it had the cold war.

For a while I had been "but where's the moral of this story? This is clearly a story that's working towards a moral." and then the American Flag and commies showed up and I was all "AH! A moral approaches!" And I learned that the American Constitution applies to everyone, including Godless Communists.

Apparently.

I'm not sure I believe it, but I'll take their word for it. You know, whatever.

Really, the more important thing is that in this episode our beloved Captain Kirk seemed to actually believe in the Prime Directive. He was all "DUDE. You interfered with the natives? That's less than cool." And Spock pointed out that it was actually pretty criminal. McCoy said something about survival, but I'm not sure I trust Bones to not be an idiot about things.

I call him an idiot with greatest love and respect, you realize.

And the evil!captain was all "Kirk, you know you want to interfere. It's so much fun! And it's not like you haven't done it before". And you would think that if you were going to interfere with an alien culture and give them phasers and such, you would also teach them how to bind prisoners properly.

And the evil!captain sets Bones to the task of finding immortality while Kirk gets to fight some big strong natives and Spock gets to watch like the voyeur he is.

And Bones considers grabbing a weapon to attack his guard, but he is caught. He grabs a drink, though, because he doesn't believe in an action going to waste.

Kirk and Spock escape their prison and go and rescue Bones. They crash through the door* and knock out the guard and go "Bones! We're here!" and Bones doesn't even blink, because that's how he rolls.

Bones: Whatever. You guys be over there and do thrilling space heroics. I'll be over here doing science.
Kirk: And how is the science going?
Bones: Well, I found out everything I needed to know. We're not dying, we're not risking the ship, and alcohol is yummy. That last one is an ongoing experiment. It requires constant testing.
Kirk:... okay? So you found immortality?
Bones: Fuck, no! Immortality doesn't exist, you moron. Jeez. The natives live so long because it's their natural life span.
Kirk: ... wut?
Bones: You want to live forever? You can try a healthy diet and regular exercise. You might not get forever, but you'll get a while.
Kirk: ... I think I hate you a little bit.
Bones: Eat your veggies is my point.

So there are the Yankees who are big, tall, and blond, and there are the commies who are Asians wearing fur coats. Because they're communists, you see. Yeah.

And there are holy words! The holy words being the declaration of independence and the constitution and maybe the national anthem, I'm not sure. All of these American, of course.

It's what could have happened after the Cold War, see. There would have been confusion and a loss of ourselves.

And we apparently would have lost the separation of church and state as well. I really wish that when Kirk was explaining the real truth about the constitution he would have brought up that they've been confusing political documents with the Bible.

Speaking of the Bible, I'm impressed that they had an exact picture of Spock there to represent evil. And that the evil!captain knew about that picture.

Do Bible's often have pictures of Vulcans in them? My Bible has no pictures at all. This saddens me.

And then there is a fight where Kirk rolls around in the arms of another man and Spock puts a thrall on an innocent women and makes you wonder about that whole demonic thing.

Then Sulu comes down and that moral is made clear and you wonder if anyone is ever going to bring up Kirk's tendency to break the Prime Directive. "A Private Little War", anyone? I think "Return of the Archons" had some Directive breaking, too. And "The Apple"?

Really, though, I think the most important question of the episode is "Why was Sulu in command?" I mean, Kirk and Spock where off of the ship, sure, but where was Scotty? I thought he was third in command? I thought that was established? Is Scotty drunk again? 'Cause if he is, he should have the decency to let the rest of us know.

Because a drunken Scotty is a hilarious Scotty.

*they knock and distract the guard, actually, but whatever

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