I could be doing my homework....

[skyfyre]

A Wolf in the Fold

Kirk: Hey, Scotty, remember that thing that happened off screen before the episode started? With the explosion and the women and the head trauma?
Scotty: Sure, it was pretty traumatic. All the trauma.
McCoy: should you be drinking with head trauma?
Kirk: Well, as a get well soon present, I have gotten you a girl. Enjoy!
Girl: Hey, spacer, looking for a good time?
Scotty: Want to go walking in the cold, haily, windy night with me? I promise I don’t have any emotional trauma that could possibly have me react badly to women.
Girl: Cool!
Scotty: Best day ever!

Kirk: Well, now that Scotty’s got a girl, do you want to go make out in an alley be totally heterosexual at a strip joint with me, Bones?
McCoy: Do I! I know just the alley.... I mean strip joint. Yes.
Kirk: Did this plant always look like Victorian England?
Me: Oh, hey, this alley looks like every Jack the Ripper reference ever.
Girl: *screams*
Girl: *is dead*
Scotty: *is implicated*
Kirk: Well, fuck.
McCoy: Does this mean we’re not making out tonight?

Police man’s name who I can’t remember (let’s call him Jack): Well, this doesn’t look good for your friend.
Kirk: Nope, it really doesn’t. These are peaceful, if hedonistic people. They’re to busy getting laid to kill people. Only someone from off planet could have killed.
Jack: Indeed. That points to your friend again. Did I mention I come from off planet? Does not look good for your friend at all.

Lieutenant Girl: I’ve come to use technology to figure out what happened.
Kirk: And, of course, you will need complete solitude to use the technology. Just you and the suspect. Nothing could go wrong.
Lieutenant Girl: *dies*
Kirk: Fuck.
Scotty: You know, this isn’t helping my women issues.
McCoy: Please, we all know you won’t have them come next episode.

Jack: You know, the red shirt is totally guilty.
Alien Leader Guy: Shush. We’re going to ask my wife. She’s psychic. Or something.
Kirk: Hey, want to lock all the doors? You know, just your wife, us, and probably the killer? Nothing could go wrong.
Alien Queen: WELL, SOMETHING IN THE ROOM SURE IS EVIL.
Alien Queen: *Dies in Scotty’s arms*
Scotty: Son of a bitch
Kirk: Maybe I should stop saying things can’t go wrong?

Jack: You know, I think we have every bit of evidence we need.
Kirk: Let’s go to my ship! We have ~*technology*~ there.
Jack: What? No, let’s not do that. Let’s just convict right here.
Alien Leader Guy: Nope, let’s go the technology route.
Jack: Why did you even hire me?
Alien Leader Guy: Mostly I keep you around to laugh at your voice.
Jack: I am so glad I shanked your wife.
Alien Leader Guy: What?
Jack: Nothing.

Kirk: Scotty, did you kill those women?
Scotty: No.
Computer: Truth! Also, have some information on famous serial killers who went after women. Like, say, Jack the Ripper
Jack: No, really? Your computer can just tell if someone is lying?
Kirk: Well, there’s a bit of science invoved, but yeah. Want to try? I can ask if you killed the women. It’ll be hilarious. Nothing could go wrong... wait. Shit.
Jack: Yeah, about that.
Jack: *escape!*
Jack: *or not*
Kirk: *loves when he gets to punch people*
McCoy: ummm, maybe you should stop hitting people. He’s dead.
JACK THE RIPPER OMG: I’VE TAKEN OVER THE SHIP. YAY!
Kirk: I hate when this happens.
JACK THE RIPPER OMG: WHY SO SERIOUS?

Kirk: Hey, Bones, got any drugs.
McCoy: Jim, there is both a time and a place.
Kirk: I want you to hypo the entire crew.
McCoy: I do so love hypoing people...

JACK THE RIPPER OMG: I CAN’T DECIDE WHETHER YOU SHOULD LIVE OR DIE
McCoy: *drugs the entire ship*
The Crew: WE’RE HEADING FOR THE PLANET EUPHORIA
JACK THE RIPPER OMG: YOU KNOW WHO YOU HAVEN’T DRUGGED? JACK’S CORPSE
Kirk: About that...
JACK THE RIPPER OMG: HA HA HA THE COLORS, DUKE, THE COLORS!
Kirk: Have a nice time in the cold vacuum of space.
JACK THE RIPPER OMG: WHEEEEEEEE- ow.

Kirk: Well, that’s done. Anyone care for a trip to a strip club?

Me: So the moral of the story is that druging the crew is a totally great way to save the day? Win.