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Is There in Truth No Beauty?
After several days worth of distractions, I watched the next episode of Star Trek.
We start with a human, Larry, beaming onto the Enterprise. He wants to know what the Captain and other humans are doing in the transporter room. You see, the next person beaming onto the Enterprise is a Medusan. If any human looks at a Medusan, they'll go insane. Because Medusans are so ugly.
I am going to judge this episode so hard.
So none of the humans can look at the Medusan that is coming aboard, but Spock (as a half-Vulcan) can look through some super special sunglasses and be all right. Because he's a Vulcan and they're like that. So Scotty leads Larry out of the transporter room, very exited, because apparently Larry is one of the designers of the Enterprise.
Scotty: Would you like the check out the engines? And after that I was thinking we could braid each other's hair and then make friendship bracelets. I also got us matching friendship necklaces, but maybe it's too soon for that?
Kirk says behind long enough to establish that Spock is still half-human and then he skedaddles before the insanity beams aboard.
So Spock puts on his completely silly shades and beams aboard a life form and a box.
Spock: 'Sup, Ambassador?
Life form: Oh, I'm not the ambassador, I'm Doctor Jones. The ambassador is in the box.
So Spock and the nice doctor, a distance relation of Indiana Jones I assume, take the box to it's quarters. When they get there, they discuss Dr. Jones', Miranda's, telepathy and instruction on Vulcan. Isn't it nice that they have things in common? I guess Spock has found his rebound girl after the whole Falafel thing. Except not, because Miranda doesn't like that Spock wants to speak to ambassador Kollos. She let's him do it, though, so Spock puts on his visor again and the box opens and there is a bunch of flashing green light and Spock kinda gets a little bit high.
After Spock leaves, Miranda looks into the box without even a visor on! And she's completely human! Surely she shall go insane! INTRIGUE! or something.
So then there is dinner. Miranda is there along with Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty, and Larry. The officers are in their dress uniforms (which I think look kinda awkward, but whatever). Spock is also wearing a Super Special Vulcan Medal things and Miranda wonders if maybe Spock is MOCKING HER, OMG. Spock tells her that, no, he was honoring her. The subject moves on to how beautiful Miranda is and how ugly the Medusans are. Kirk says that the only real prejudice left is the tendency to be repulsed by ugliness and revere beauty. Despite the fact the fact that they know that it is a prejudice to think the beauty equals good and ugliness equals bad, they still toast to beauty and think that beauty is totally awesome. Everyone wonders what a pretty girl like Miranda is doing with a bunch of ugly people like the Medusans.
I would want to strangle everyone at that table if I hadn't been completely distracted by the fact that SCOTTY WAS WEARING A KILT AND MY LIFE IS AWESOME.
I am a simple girl of simple pleasures. One of those pleasures is men without pants. Don't judge.
So during the dinner, Miranda's telepathic powers go off and she can tell that somebody has murderous intent! Oh noes! She can't tell who plans to murder who, but it's not cool in any case. Miranda excuses herself and with the pretty girl gone, no one else really feels like sticking around. Scotty tries to ply Larry with alcohol, but, alas, Larry has a headache or something and won't go with Scotty to Engineering. Eventually Kirk is the last one in the room. I like to think that he went and drank all the left over booze in the room, because I think it's funny.
It turns out that Larry doesn't have a headache. Instead he has followed Miranda to her room and tries to convince her that she can have a better life than hanging out with such an ugly alien. He's a man, she's a woman, and he loves her! Clearly she should marry him!
Larry: I've asked you on one knee! two knees! In the laboratory! Out of it!
Me: You've asked her to marry you more than once and she's said no every time? Dude, I think that should be a hint.
Miranda refuses him, again, because she doesn't love him like he loves her. I like Miranda. She knows that just because he loves her, she has no obligation to love him back. And, dammit, she has a career ahead of her. If he doesn't like it then it's not her problem, is it?
Anyway, Miranda has another telepathic flash and she can now tell that Larry is the one who wants to murder someone.
Miranda: Wow, now I really don't want to marry you. Who do you want to kill, Larry?
Larry: I'LL BE GOING NOW. BYE.
Larry then goes and tries to kill Kollos. Unfortunately, that whole "you go crazy if you look at him" thing gets in his way. Whoops. So Larry goes nuts and the camera goes all wonky to show it. He goes running off while Miranda goes running to Kollos.
Larry heads to Engineering and Scotty is just tickled pink to see him.
Scotty: Awesome! I'll get the booze!
Before Scotty could get the party started, though, Kirk puts the ship in red alert and lets everyone know that Larry has gone nuts and is dangerous. Scotty goes to try to knock Larry out, but fails. So does the rest of Engineering. I'd question the competency of the crew (again), but I think the weird camera movement just made them dizzy. I assume that when the camera is behaving, their punches at least look like they connect.
Kirk, Miranda, Spock, Bones, and some security guards arrive and subdue Larry. However, they weren't in time to stop him from making the ship go dangerously close to Warp 10 and into a part of space that they don't know. Larry calls it beyond the universe, but Larry is crazy, so who cares what he thinks. Larry then rants about how Miranda kills you if you love her and how everything sucks. He tries to go for Miranda as she stares at him, but he drops down before he gets to her. Thankfully, there's a Doctor present. But God forbid he be helpful at all.
McCoy: He's dead, Jim.
Me: Is the third season to blame for the "He's dead, Jim" meme existing? Because I don't think you said that so much in the first two seasons.
So they are stuck in unknown space with no known navigational markers to help them find their way home. They are well and truly screwed. Thanks, Larry. But all is not lost! Spock has a plan! There is no way this can end badly!
Spock's plan is to mind link with Kollos, because among Medusan's many talents is navigation! Spock and Kollos will become one person and Kollos can get them out of this! This plan will upset Miranda though, because she's going to be mind-linking with Kollos in about a week and she's kinda jealous of Spock already. Don't worry though, Kirk has got this covered.
He is, as always, going to seduce the problem.
In an effort to distract Miranda enough to keep her from telepathically telling what Spock is doing, Kirk takes Miranda on a tour of the ship's botany lab garden thing. He then attempts to work the old Kirk magic.
Kirk: Hey, baby, you so fine, baby.
It does not work as well as he intended. Miranda rejects his advances and explains that, like Vulcans, she doesn't have much care for emotions. They kind of suck. Especially pity, that one kind of blows. While Kirk tries to explain that, no, emotions are awesome and he can prove it, Spock goes and talks to Kollos. Despite Kirk's best efforts, Miranda telepathically tells what Spock is up to and runs off to try and stop him.
She gets to Kollos' room, but Kirk, Spock, and Bones stop her from entering the room so that they can explain their plan. Miranda claims that she can mind link with Kollos and she'll pilot the Enterprise to safety. She can memorize in an instant anything that she needs to know.
Bones: That will never work!
Miranda: Give me one good reason why not!
Bones: You're blind!
Miranda: ... other than that.
Me: Well, that explains why you can look at Kollos.
So they don't let Miranda do the plan, on account of her inability to see the controls. They all coo over her nice sensor dress, though. It can do measurements and tell her where things are and everything. Yet it can't tell her what the bridge controls look like, apparently.
Miranda talks to Kollos, who tells her that he's linking with Spock. They set up the Kollos!box behind a nice shield on the bridge, Spock dons his visor thing, and then looks into the light.
From behind the shield comes Kollos!Spock, who is all smiles and no one but me is creeped out by that. He then goes around the room to say hi to everyone.
Kollos!Spock: Captain James T. Kirk! My good friend for lo these many years! And Doctor Leonard McCoy, a very nice acquaintance!
It's good to know that no matter what else may be going on, Spock is still a total jerk to Bones. I mean, acquaintance? Dude, Bones attended your weird, intensely private, Vulcan not!wedding. He's totally your friend.
Kollos!Spock then turns to Uhura and I get to ship them a bit more.
Kollos!Spock: Lieutenant Uhura, whose name means "freedom". She walks in beauty like the night.
And people were surprised when they made out in the new movie?
Then Kollos!Spock turns to Miranda
Kollos!Spock: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
Miranda: 'Tis new to thee.
Me: I've only been waiting for this all episode.
You know, if I actually knew anything about The Tempest, I could maybe have insightful things to say it's relation to the episode. And possibly insightful things to say about Kollos!Spock speaking Miranda's line and Miranda speaking Prospero's.
But I don't know anything about The Tempest, so I have nothing insightful to say about it. Go team me!
Then Kollos!Spock sits at navigation and gets them back to known space without any trouble. Because he's awesome like that. After that there is a brief moment where Kollos!Spock doesn't want to give up the connection, but Kirk tells him that that's a bad idea and he goes back behind the shield without any fuss.
Unfortunately, I'm the only one who noticed that Kollos!Spock wasn't wearing the shades of awesome to keep from going crazy.
Again, the camera goes crazy and wall-eye people don't so much try to fight Spock as try to throw themselves at him with hopes that maybe that will do something. They eventually knock Spock out and get him to sick bay.
Miranda is left with Spock to try to fix him, as she knows Vulcan techniques to try to reach his mind. Kirk doesn't trust her, though, because it's possible that she used her mind powers to make Spock forget to put on his sunglasses. And what if she's harming Spock more? So Kirk resolves to do something about it. Since seduction didn't work last time, he's going to use his other means of getting what he wants. Violence!
Kirk storms into sickbay where Miranda is tending to Spock without her super sensor dress on, so she's more blind then usual. Kirk then proceeds to manhandle to defenseless woman all around the room and verbally abuses her. Since she can't see ugliness, she can hear it instead.
Kirk's morals are occasionally questionable.
Kirk leaves again and admits to Bones that perhaps that was not the brightest idea he ever had. Miranda doesn't hold it against him, though, as she does succeed in getting Spock's mind back. I forget exactly how, but involved both of them touching each other's faces a lot. So I assume they had mind!sex, since she is his Falafel rebound, after all. And no one else got lucky this episode, Spock might as well do it.
So it's a happy ending for all. Spock isn't insane, the Enterprise is safe, and Miranda gets to mind link with Kollos and continue with her career. Everyone wins. Except for Larry. He's still dead. It's okay, though, no one cared about him anyway.
(Though Scotty is going to cry himself to sleep tonight over his half-finished friendship bracelet, poor thing.)
In other news, I think I want to pursue a Masters degree in Film/Cinema/Media/Whatever Studies (the name keeps changing depending on where I'm looking at). Because I think it would be tons of fun. Yeah.
We start with a human, Larry, beaming onto the Enterprise. He wants to know what the Captain and other humans are doing in the transporter room. You see, the next person beaming onto the Enterprise is a Medusan. If any human looks at a Medusan, they'll go insane. Because Medusans are so ugly.
I am going to judge this episode so hard.
So none of the humans can look at the Medusan that is coming aboard, but Spock (as a half-Vulcan) can look through some super special sunglasses and be all right. Because he's a Vulcan and they're like that. So Scotty leads Larry out of the transporter room, very exited, because apparently Larry is one of the designers of the Enterprise.
Scotty: Would you like the check out the engines? And after that I was thinking we could braid each other's hair and then make friendship bracelets. I also got us matching friendship necklaces, but maybe it's too soon for that?
Kirk says behind long enough to establish that Spock is still half-human and then he skedaddles before the insanity beams aboard.
So Spock puts on his completely silly shades and beams aboard a life form and a box.
Spock: 'Sup, Ambassador?
Life form: Oh, I'm not the ambassador, I'm Doctor Jones. The ambassador is in the box.
So Spock and the nice doctor, a distance relation of Indiana Jones I assume, take the box to it's quarters. When they get there, they discuss Dr. Jones', Miranda's, telepathy and instruction on Vulcan. Isn't it nice that they have things in common? I guess Spock has found his rebound girl after the whole Falafel thing. Except not, because Miranda doesn't like that Spock wants to speak to ambassador Kollos. She let's him do it, though, so Spock puts on his visor again and the box opens and there is a bunch of flashing green light and Spock kinda gets a little bit high.
After Spock leaves, Miranda looks into the box without even a visor on! And she's completely human! Surely she shall go insane! INTRIGUE! or something.
So then there is dinner. Miranda is there along with Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty, and Larry. The officers are in their dress uniforms (which I think look kinda awkward, but whatever). Spock is also wearing a Super Special Vulcan Medal things and Miranda wonders if maybe Spock is MOCKING HER, OMG. Spock tells her that, no, he was honoring her. The subject moves on to how beautiful Miranda is and how ugly the Medusans are. Kirk says that the only real prejudice left is the tendency to be repulsed by ugliness and revere beauty. Despite the fact the fact that they know that it is a prejudice to think the beauty equals good and ugliness equals bad, they still toast to beauty and think that beauty is totally awesome. Everyone wonders what a pretty girl like Miranda is doing with a bunch of ugly people like the Medusans.
I would want to strangle everyone at that table if I hadn't been completely distracted by the fact that SCOTTY WAS WEARING A KILT AND MY LIFE IS AWESOME.
I am a simple girl of simple pleasures. One of those pleasures is men without pants. Don't judge.
So during the dinner, Miranda's telepathic powers go off and she can tell that somebody has murderous intent! Oh noes! She can't tell who plans to murder who, but it's not cool in any case. Miranda excuses herself and with the pretty girl gone, no one else really feels like sticking around. Scotty tries to ply Larry with alcohol, but, alas, Larry has a headache or something and won't go with Scotty to Engineering. Eventually Kirk is the last one in the room. I like to think that he went and drank all the left over booze in the room, because I think it's funny.
It turns out that Larry doesn't have a headache. Instead he has followed Miranda to her room and tries to convince her that she can have a better life than hanging out with such an ugly alien. He's a man, she's a woman, and he loves her! Clearly she should marry him!
Larry: I've asked you on one knee! two knees! In the laboratory! Out of it!
Me: You've asked her to marry you more than once and she's said no every time? Dude, I think that should be a hint.
Miranda refuses him, again, because she doesn't love him like he loves her. I like Miranda. She knows that just because he loves her, she has no obligation to love him back. And, dammit, she has a career ahead of her. If he doesn't like it then it's not her problem, is it?
Anyway, Miranda has another telepathic flash and she can now tell that Larry is the one who wants to murder someone.
Miranda: Wow, now I really don't want to marry you. Who do you want to kill, Larry?
Larry: I'LL BE GOING NOW. BYE.
Larry then goes and tries to kill Kollos. Unfortunately, that whole "you go crazy if you look at him" thing gets in his way. Whoops. So Larry goes nuts and the camera goes all wonky to show it. He goes running off while Miranda goes running to Kollos.
Larry heads to Engineering and Scotty is just tickled pink to see him.
Scotty: Awesome! I'll get the booze!
Before Scotty could get the party started, though, Kirk puts the ship in red alert and lets everyone know that Larry has gone nuts and is dangerous. Scotty goes to try to knock Larry out, but fails. So does the rest of Engineering. I'd question the competency of the crew (again), but I think the weird camera movement just made them dizzy. I assume that when the camera is behaving, their punches at least look like they connect.
Kirk, Miranda, Spock, Bones, and some security guards arrive and subdue Larry. However, they weren't in time to stop him from making the ship go dangerously close to Warp 10 and into a part of space that they don't know. Larry calls it beyond the universe, but Larry is crazy, so who cares what he thinks. Larry then rants about how Miranda kills you if you love her and how everything sucks. He tries to go for Miranda as she stares at him, but he drops down before he gets to her. Thankfully, there's a Doctor present. But God forbid he be helpful at all.
McCoy: He's dead, Jim.
Me: Is the third season to blame for the "He's dead, Jim" meme existing? Because I don't think you said that so much in the first two seasons.
So they are stuck in unknown space with no known navigational markers to help them find their way home. They are well and truly screwed. Thanks, Larry. But all is not lost! Spock has a plan! There is no way this can end badly!
Spock's plan is to mind link with Kollos, because among Medusan's many talents is navigation! Spock and Kollos will become one person and Kollos can get them out of this! This plan will upset Miranda though, because she's going to be mind-linking with Kollos in about a week and she's kinda jealous of Spock already. Don't worry though, Kirk has got this covered.
He is, as always, going to seduce the problem.
In an effort to distract Miranda enough to keep her from telepathically telling what Spock is doing, Kirk takes Miranda on a tour of the ship's botany lab garden thing. He then attempts to work the old Kirk magic.
Kirk: Hey, baby, you so fine, baby.
It does not work as well as he intended. Miranda rejects his advances and explains that, like Vulcans, she doesn't have much care for emotions. They kind of suck. Especially pity, that one kind of blows. While Kirk tries to explain that, no, emotions are awesome and he can prove it, Spock goes and talks to Kollos. Despite Kirk's best efforts, Miranda telepathically tells what Spock is up to and runs off to try and stop him.
She gets to Kollos' room, but Kirk, Spock, and Bones stop her from entering the room so that they can explain their plan. Miranda claims that she can mind link with Kollos and she'll pilot the Enterprise to safety. She can memorize in an instant anything that she needs to know.
Bones: That will never work!
Miranda: Give me one good reason why not!
Bones: You're blind!
Miranda: ... other than that.
Me: Well, that explains why you can look at Kollos.
So they don't let Miranda do the plan, on account of her inability to see the controls. They all coo over her nice sensor dress, though. It can do measurements and tell her where things are and everything. Yet it can't tell her what the bridge controls look like, apparently.
Miranda talks to Kollos, who tells her that he's linking with Spock. They set up the Kollos!box behind a nice shield on the bridge, Spock dons his visor thing, and then looks into the light.
From behind the shield comes Kollos!Spock, who is all smiles and no one but me is creeped out by that. He then goes around the room to say hi to everyone.
Kollos!Spock: Captain James T. Kirk! My good friend for lo these many years! And Doctor Leonard McCoy, a very nice acquaintance!
It's good to know that no matter what else may be going on, Spock is still a total jerk to Bones. I mean, acquaintance? Dude, Bones attended your weird, intensely private, Vulcan not!wedding. He's totally your friend.
Kollos!Spock then turns to Uhura and I get to ship them a bit more.
Kollos!Spock: Lieutenant Uhura, whose name means "freedom". She walks in beauty like the night.
And people were surprised when they made out in the new movie?
Then Kollos!Spock turns to Miranda
Kollos!Spock: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
Miranda: 'Tis new to thee.
Me: I've only been waiting for this all episode.
You know, if I actually knew anything about The Tempest, I could maybe have insightful things to say it's relation to the episode. And possibly insightful things to say about Kollos!Spock speaking Miranda's line and Miranda speaking Prospero's.
But I don't know anything about The Tempest, so I have nothing insightful to say about it. Go team me!
Then Kollos!Spock sits at navigation and gets them back to known space without any trouble. Because he's awesome like that. After that there is a brief moment where Kollos!Spock doesn't want to give up the connection, but Kirk tells him that that's a bad idea and he goes back behind the shield without any fuss.
Unfortunately, I'm the only one who noticed that Kollos!Spock wasn't wearing the shades of awesome to keep from going crazy.
Again, the camera goes crazy and wall-eye people don't so much try to fight Spock as try to throw themselves at him with hopes that maybe that will do something. They eventually knock Spock out and get him to sick bay.
Miranda is left with Spock to try to fix him, as she knows Vulcan techniques to try to reach his mind. Kirk doesn't trust her, though, because it's possible that she used her mind powers to make Spock forget to put on his sunglasses. And what if she's harming Spock more? So Kirk resolves to do something about it. Since seduction didn't work last time, he's going to use his other means of getting what he wants. Violence!
Kirk storms into sickbay where Miranda is tending to Spock without her super sensor dress on, so she's more blind then usual. Kirk then proceeds to manhandle to defenseless woman all around the room and verbally abuses her. Since she can't see ugliness, she can hear it instead.
Kirk's morals are occasionally questionable.
Kirk leaves again and admits to Bones that perhaps that was not the brightest idea he ever had. Miranda doesn't hold it against him, though, as she does succeed in getting Spock's mind back. I forget exactly how, but involved both of them touching each other's faces a lot. So I assume they had mind!sex, since she is his Falafel rebound, after all. And no one else got lucky this episode, Spock might as well do it.
So it's a happy ending for all. Spock isn't insane, the Enterprise is safe, and Miranda gets to mind link with Kollos and continue with her career. Everyone wins. Except for Larry. He's still dead. It's okay, though, no one cared about him anyway.
(Though Scotty is going to cry himself to sleep tonight over his half-finished friendship bracelet, poor thing.)
In other news, I think I want to pursue a Masters degree in Film/Cinema/Media/Whatever Studies (the name keeps changing depending on where I'm looking at). Because I think it would be tons of fun. Yeah.