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For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky
Mother told me that For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky was going to be a giant space turkey. I contest this. I contest this because it is Bones-centric and hilarious. Which, really, is a lot of what I look for in an episode of Star Trek. I am, after all, a simple girl of simple pleasures. I am also pretty shallow.
Good times.
So, anyway, the episode opens with the ship in Red Alert. There is a missile heading straight towards the Enterprise! Captain Kirk orders the phaser banks armed and the missile's point of origin to be calculated. Both are done with speed and Kirk orders the missile be shot from space, which it is done without any complication.
This is perhaps the most efficient the crew of the Enterprise has ever been ever.
So they head towards the area that Chekov figures is the missile's point of origin.
While that happens, Bones and Chapel have a bit of a spat. Whatever they're fighting about, she won't leave until the Captain gets there. Which he does right as Bones is ordering Chapel to leave again.
Kirk: Ummmm. I can come back another time? If you two need time?
Chapel leaves after Bones promises to tell Kirk what's up.
McCoy: So, I did all the crew physicals.
Kirk: Yeah? And?
McCoy: Everyone on board is healthy.
Kirk: Cool! Did you need to tell me this in person?
McCoy: With one glaring exception.
Kirk: Son of a bitch. I knew that rash didn't look good! I bet I'm allergic to that purple-skinned girl from last shore leave. Never trust someone whose skin glitters, Bones. It's just not normal.
McCoy: Sometimes, it amazes me that you remember to breathe.
Anyway, it turns out that someone on the ship has xenopolycythemia. It's rare and it's deadly.
BTW, the person with xenopolycythemia also happens to be the Chief Medical Officer. Surprise!
Really, Bones goes a round-about way to tell Kirk that he's dying. Bones only has a year to live and he'd appreciate it if Kirk wouldn't tell anybody yet, as he can still function for now.
So Kirk finds out this news and gets in touch with Starfleet Command to have them send by a new Chief Medical Officer. He doubts he can ever get one as awesome as Bones, though. Bones always had the best booze*. He heads up to the bridge, where they have arrived at the place Chekov calculated. All that is there is a giant asteroid.
Kirk: ... Dammit, Chekov, did you do something wrong again? Spock, check his math. We can't trust that boy to do anything.
Spock: It appears that Chekov's math is correct, Captain.
Kirk: You mean that the asteroid is trying to kill us? Man, I hate it when that happens!
So they do their scans of the asteroid. From the scans, Spock figures that it only looks like an asteroid, it has characteristics of a planet, but is in reality a spaceship. It is sort of the Swiss army knife of space objects. I bet it's also an alien marker buoy.
An alien marker buoy on a collision course to an inhabited planet. Damn the bad luck.
There aren't any life form readings, so they decide to beam down to the planet/asteroid/ship/thing to investigate and see if they can steer the thing away from its collision course.
Spock and Kirk go down to the transporter room and find Bones there with Nurse Chapel worrying over him. Bones informs his friends that he's beaming down to the planet with them.
Kirk: I don't think we really need you on this mission, Doctor.
McCoy: Please, you'd get yourself killed without me and you know it. I'm going down with you, like it or not.
Kirk: I'm not sure that's a good idea...
McCoy: Don't make me pull "dying man's wish" on you.
Kirk: Geez, fine. Come get yourself killed with us! It'll be fun!
So they beam over to the surface of the thing and look at the pillars constructed there.
McCoy: Hey. Hey. Hey. Spock. Hey. It looks like there were people here. Your scans said that there weren't. Could you have been wrong ab-
Spock: STFU, DOCTOR.
Right about then, a bunch of the natives come pouring out from pillars around them, because they heard that they could prove Spock wrong about something and that never stops being fun. There is a big old fight. Bones is holding his own until he catches the eye of the woman who came out of the pillar to observe the fight. Bones and the woman stare at each other for a while (Bones, for some reason, has his hands spread by his face during this epic eye lock. I'm sure it was tactically significant when he started doing it). One of the native fighters, noticing Bones' distraction, knocks him the fuck out. Which is no more that he deserved, really. Bones can stare at the pretty lady after he's won the fight.
Spock and Kirk are held back, but Kirk is allowed to check on Bones, like the good boyfriend he is. Though, you know, I bet Kirk wouldn't care as much if Bones wasn't dying. Otherwise you know he'd either be threatening or hitting on everyone in sight. Because that's how Captain Kirk rolls.
It turns out that the woman is the high priestess of Yonada. Her name is Natira and you can tell she's a priestess because her dress is way shinier than anyone else's. She leads them to the chamber of the Oracle and reports to the Oracle that these new comers have come. She wants to know what should be done with them.
Kirk: We come inpeace friendship?
Oracle: Friends? Well, all right, but you should know that I always inflict intense pain on people before they can be my friends.
Kirk: What?
And then they got tazed to unconsciousness. You can tell because the color of their entire body went negative.
So Kirk and Spock wake up sometime later in a private room. Bones, however, is still out cold. Kirk goes over to worry over him some more and Spock is just kinda confused.
Spock: Was he tazed more than us? Nothing has happened on the planet so far to explain his current state.
Me: What about that blow to the head he got earlier? It's not like anybody checked to make sure he was okay after that.
Spock: Nothing has happened on the planet so far to explain his current state.
Kirk: Listen, Spock, Bones probably wouldn't have told you this himself, but I think you need to know. He's got Xenopolycythemia.
Spock: Well, shit.
So Bones finally wakes up with Spock's hand on his arm and everyone staring at him. Bones spends awhile trying to figure out why Spock is touching him all of a sudden. That's just plain weird. He then tries to play it off as him being really susceptible to whatever the Oracle did. No one buys it.
McCoy: Dammit, Jim! See if I ever trust you with information ever again.
Then comes the discussion about what to do about their current situation. Spock points out that if they interfere with what's going on, it may be a violation of the Prime Direction. With that knowledge, it's easy to figure out what to do next:beam back to the Enterprise and go about their way consult Starfleet command about special circumstances, what with the lives at stake punch the Prime Directive in the face!
Because fuck the Prime Directive, that's why.
(really, it might not actually be against the Prime Directive. The civilization does have warp technology, they just don't know that they do. And there are thousands or possibly millions of lives at stake. It's kind of a gray area. But, whatever. If there's an option to punch the Prime Directive, we're going to take that option. Because it's more fun that way)
Anyway, this old guys comes in with some pills to help Our Heroes headaches. I question the intelligence of just eating random pills of unknown origin. But Bones says that they seem herbal. So they must be safe.
Sometimes, I wonder how any of them ever remember to breathe.
So the old man explains that he knows how it feels to get on the Oracle's bad side. You see, he tends to disobey the Oracle a lot, including the one time he climbed a mountain and found out the name of the episode.
Old Man: For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky.
'Cause, you see, he's on a space ship, and those are hollow inside, but the planet's "surface" is actually subterranean, so when he climbed the mountain, he was was able to reach out and literally touch the sky.
At this point, the Oracle does what it should have done back on that mountain and kills the old man.
Then Natira comes in with some followers and seems distressingly unperturbed by the body on the floor. Whatever, you guys, the Oracle kills people all the time. It's what you get for questioning things.
Bones then has to sit down for a little bit and Natira looks concerned for Bones' wellbeing. She didn't know that the Oracle would have such an ill effect on him. But, on the plus side, Our Heroes get to wander around the civilization freely now!
Kirk: Dude, Bones! I think Natira likes you! Likes you, likes you, I mean. If you get what I mean and I think you do.
McCoy: Well, can you blame her? I am pretty damn awesome.
Kirk: Fuck yeah, I can blame her. I am ten times more awesome then you.
McCoy: You are such a wonderful friend.
Kirk: Whatever, this means that you get to seduce our way out of the situation. Do you think you can handle it? It's harder than it seems. Heh heh heh. harder
So Spock and Kirk go off to explore Yonada while Bones and Natira talk. Alone. This includes this honest to God bit of conversation:
Natira: Is there a woman for you?
McCoy: No, there isn't.
Natira: Does McCoy find me attractive?
McCoy: Oh yes, yes I do.
And, see, if Kirk were having that conversation, I would have doubted his sincerity. But the Bones method of seduction is honesty and being a Southern Gentleman. Though I wonder if he's ever going to tell her his first name.
Natira then asks Bones to stay on Yonada as her mate.
The girl moves fast. I mean, they met maybe an hour ago. They've been talking for five minutes. Bones points out that they are pretty much complete strangers. She counters with that being what makes the relationship fun.
Hey, pretty soon Yonada is going to reach the promised land that the creators promised! Once they get there, Natira is going to be in charge! And McCoy can rule by her side! Come on, Bones, doesn't being King of the world sound good to you?
Natira's next argument to try to get McCoy to stay is to tap into his loneliness. Because apparently he's terribly lonely and have been his whole life. Boy, it's a good thing I haven't gotten to the episode where we find out that he has an ex-wife and a daughter, otherwise I'd feel bad for them. And that Yeoman he hit on in the episode Shore Leave. Not to mention his boyfriends Kirk and Spock.
OH, AND DAX FROM DS9. HE SLEPT WITH HER/IT IN COLLEGE. ARE YOU SAYING THAT DAX MEANT NOTHING TO YOU, DOCTOR? THAT'S COLD, MAN. I DON'T CARE IF THAT WON'T BE CANON FOR 28 YEARS**. DAX IS AWESOME.
...
Anyway, Bones finally lets Natira know that he's dying. She's surprisingly okay with this!
Natira: Baby, my heart sings for you, baby.
She explains that she loved him the moment she saw him and would take whatever time with him she could get.
And then they make out.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Bones got some.
***
So, while Bones is getting busy, Spock and Kirk go exploring. They poke around the room of the Oracle and figure out that the people of Noyada are the descendants of a race of people from a planet, Fabrini, whose solar system was destroyed when their sun went nova. The ship has been traveling through space for something like 10,000 years.
Man, it's really convenient that Spock can read their language. Otherwise they never would have found any of that out.
Then Natira comes in to consult the Oracle about something very important.
Natira: Can McCoy be my forever boy?
Oracle: If he's cool with it, sure. Make sure he doesn't misbehave. I hate that. Speaking of misbehaving, wtf are those two doing here?
So Kirk and Spock are caught, tazed, and sentenced to death. Bones goes to his beloved and begs for Kirk and Spock's lives.
McCoy: They're idiots, but they don't deserve to die for it.
Natira: They committed a crime. We can't let that shit stand.
McCoy: Please let them go? For me?
Natira: Well, I suppose they can live if they promise not to come back.
And then Natira kisses Bones' hand, which makes me wonder about gender roles and how they apply to Bones.
So Bones escorts Spock and Kirk up to the "surface", where he tells them that he won't be returning to the Enterprise. No, he doesn't care that they're going to blow up Noyada if it doesn't change its course, stop being such a drama queen, Kirk.
Bones goes back to Natiri and agrees to be her husband and follow her people's laws. Man, he is never allowed to the seduction part of an episode ever again. I not sure if it's because he sucks at it or if just too good.
Anyway, Bones and Natiri go off to their wedding ceremony in from of the Oracle. I am not above admitting that I giggled through the ceremony like I would in any wedding scene. I AM A ROMANTIC, OKAY.
McCoy: One mind, one heart, one life.
HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO BONES WHEN HE SAYS THAT?
Really, the only downside of the whole thing is the obedience chip put in Bones' head. You know, the one that killed the Old Man earlier. BUT WHATEVER, IT'S STILL AWESOME.
Anyway, after the totally awesome, I don't care what you say, ceremony, Natiri shows Bones the book that the people are not allowed to read until they've reached the promised land. It holds many secrets! Now, off to the honeymoon!
Meanwhile, Kirk has finally contacted Starfleet Command. Starfleet tells Kirk to back the fuck off of Yonada. They'll deal with it. Kirk has already lost one officer to Yonada, no need to screw up further.
Just as Kirk is about to get his sulk on, Bones hails him on his communicator. He thinks he knows how to solve the problem! There's this book, you see, and-
And this point, the Oracle makes him shut the fuck up. The moral of the story being that obedience chips are bad.
When Kirk and Spock beam back to Yonada to check on Bones after he stopped answering his comms, Natira is cradling Bones' head. She's also super pissed at them for trying to kill her one true love.
She gets even more pissed when they remove Bones' obedience chip. She tries to call for the guards, but Kirk does what Kirk does best and manhandles her into a corner with a hand over her mouth.
Boy, it's a good thing Bones is out of it. I'd hate to think what he'd do to Kirk if he found out that he was treating his Special Lady that way.
So Kirk tries to explain the whole space ship thing to Natira who isn't happy about it, and by the feeling of her obedience chip, the Oracle isn't happy about it either. So she goes running off to the Oracle, but doesn't call the guards on Our Heroes, leaving them free to pursue her without the locals getting tetchy about it.
Natira tries to talk to the Oracle, but he's kinda pissed that she's listening to any truth that isn't his. So he takes it out on her obedience chip. She collapses and Our Heroes arrive to save the day. Bones cradles her head has Spock removes her chip.
So, of course, then the Oracle tries to kill them by turning the entire room into a giant oven. I have to assume that the room is hooked up to do this because the people of Noyada enjoy baking giant pizzas during the weekend.
Kirk and Spock grab the book the Fabrini left the Noyadans and find the main control room with it. Then Spock, being Spock, manages to turn off the heating elements so that Natiri and Bones don't fry. Kirk and Spock then start poking around to see if they can get the ship back on course the the destination the Fabrini originally meant the Noyadans to go to.
While they do that, Bones and Natiri have a talk. Sometime in the last few minutes, Bones has decided that he can't possibly stay on Noyada. He wants to explore the universe and try to find a cure for his disease and to help others. He tells her that she could come with him. Natira says that Noyada is her universe. He came to them to save them. How could she possibly abandon them after all that work he did? Someone needs to look out for them. So they go their separate ways.
I would have to rewatch it, but I don't think either of them mention getting a divorce or breaking up.
Okay, yeah, I ship Bones/Natiri. DON'T JUDGE ME.
Kirk and Spock fix the ship so that it's heading in the right direction. And then Spock, to top everything off, finds the Fabrini's information banks. Which includes their vast medical knowledge. Which includes the cure for Xenopolycythemia.
CONVENIENT.
So Bones goes back to the Enterprise with Spock and Kirk and gets cured.
Kirk: You know, they're going to reach their new planet in something like 390 days. We can arrange to be in the same vicinity at the same time. If you know what I mean.
Fuck yeah, you guys, in 390 days, Bones gets to make a booty call.
Wouldn't it be great if he remembered all this next episode?
Anyway, this whole episode can actually be described by this macro that I saved on my computer last year, but hadn't actually allowed myself to read until today:
*You would think that Scotty would have the best booze. This is not necessarily so. Scotty has the most booze that is often of questionable legality. A lot of it also comes from the still he keeps in engineering. ...I may have read too much fanfic on the subject.
**FUCK YEAH, I JUST DID THE MATH
***I did not make this, FYI. I love the things I find on the internet.
Good times.
So, anyway, the episode opens with the ship in Red Alert. There is a missile heading straight towards the Enterprise! Captain Kirk orders the phaser banks armed and the missile's point of origin to be calculated. Both are done with speed and Kirk orders the missile be shot from space, which it is done without any complication.
This is perhaps the most efficient the crew of the Enterprise has ever been ever.
So they head towards the area that Chekov figures is the missile's point of origin.
While that happens, Bones and Chapel have a bit of a spat. Whatever they're fighting about, she won't leave until the Captain gets there. Which he does right as Bones is ordering Chapel to leave again.
Kirk: Ummmm. I can come back another time? If you two need time?
Chapel leaves after Bones promises to tell Kirk what's up.
McCoy: So, I did all the crew physicals.
Kirk: Yeah? And?
McCoy: Everyone on board is healthy.
Kirk: Cool! Did you need to tell me this in person?
McCoy: With one glaring exception.
Kirk: Son of a bitch. I knew that rash didn't look good! I bet I'm allergic to that purple-skinned girl from last shore leave. Never trust someone whose skin glitters, Bones. It's just not normal.
McCoy: Sometimes, it amazes me that you remember to breathe.
Anyway, it turns out that someone on the ship has xenopolycythemia. It's rare and it's deadly.
BTW, the person with xenopolycythemia also happens to be the Chief Medical Officer. Surprise!
Really, Bones goes a round-about way to tell Kirk that he's dying. Bones only has a year to live and he'd appreciate it if Kirk wouldn't tell anybody yet, as he can still function for now.
So Kirk finds out this news and gets in touch with Starfleet Command to have them send by a new Chief Medical Officer. He doubts he can ever get one as awesome as Bones, though. Bones always had the best booze*. He heads up to the bridge, where they have arrived at the place Chekov calculated. All that is there is a giant asteroid.
Kirk: ... Dammit, Chekov, did you do something wrong again? Spock, check his math. We can't trust that boy to do anything.
Spock: It appears that Chekov's math is correct, Captain.
Kirk: You mean that the asteroid is trying to kill us? Man, I hate it when that happens!
So they do their scans of the asteroid. From the scans, Spock figures that it only looks like an asteroid, it has characteristics of a planet, but is in reality a spaceship. It is sort of the Swiss army knife of space objects. I bet it's also an alien marker buoy.
An alien marker buoy on a collision course to an inhabited planet. Damn the bad luck.
There aren't any life form readings, so they decide to beam down to the planet/asteroid/ship/thing to investigate and see if they can steer the thing away from its collision course.
Spock and Kirk go down to the transporter room and find Bones there with Nurse Chapel worrying over him. Bones informs his friends that he's beaming down to the planet with them.
Kirk: I don't think we really need you on this mission, Doctor.
McCoy: Please, you'd get yourself killed without me and you know it. I'm going down with you, like it or not.
Kirk: I'm not sure that's a good idea...
McCoy: Don't make me pull "dying man's wish" on you.
Kirk: Geez, fine. Come get yourself killed with us! It'll be fun!
So they beam over to the surface of the thing and look at the pillars constructed there.
McCoy: Hey. Hey. Hey. Spock. Hey. It looks like there were people here. Your scans said that there weren't. Could you have been wrong ab-
Spock: STFU, DOCTOR.
Right about then, a bunch of the natives come pouring out from pillars around them, because they heard that they could prove Spock wrong about something and that never stops being fun. There is a big old fight. Bones is holding his own until he catches the eye of the woman who came out of the pillar to observe the fight. Bones and the woman stare at each other for a while (Bones, for some reason, has his hands spread by his face during this epic eye lock. I'm sure it was tactically significant when he started doing it). One of the native fighters, noticing Bones' distraction, knocks him the fuck out. Which is no more that he deserved, really. Bones can stare at the pretty lady after he's won the fight.
Spock and Kirk are held back, but Kirk is allowed to check on Bones, like the good boyfriend he is. Though, you know, I bet Kirk wouldn't care as much if Bones wasn't dying. Otherwise you know he'd either be threatening or hitting on everyone in sight. Because that's how Captain Kirk rolls.
It turns out that the woman is the high priestess of Yonada. Her name is Natira and you can tell she's a priestess because her dress is way shinier than anyone else's. She leads them to the chamber of the Oracle and reports to the Oracle that these new comers have come. She wants to know what should be done with them.
Kirk: We come in
Oracle: Friends? Well, all right, but you should know that I always inflict intense pain on people before they can be my friends.
Kirk: What?
And then they got tazed to unconsciousness. You can tell because the color of their entire body went negative.
So Kirk and Spock wake up sometime later in a private room. Bones, however, is still out cold. Kirk goes over to worry over him some more and Spock is just kinda confused.
Spock: Was he tazed more than us? Nothing has happened on the planet so far to explain his current state.
Me: What about that blow to the head he got earlier? It's not like anybody checked to make sure he was okay after that.
Spock: Nothing has happened on the planet so far to explain his current state.
Kirk: Listen, Spock, Bones probably wouldn't have told you this himself, but I think you need to know. He's got Xenopolycythemia.
Spock: Well, shit.
So Bones finally wakes up with Spock's hand on his arm and everyone staring at him. Bones spends awhile trying to figure out why Spock is touching him all of a sudden. That's just plain weird. He then tries to play it off as him being really susceptible to whatever the Oracle did. No one buys it.
McCoy: Dammit, Jim! See if I ever trust you with information ever again.
Then comes the discussion about what to do about their current situation. Spock points out that if they interfere with what's going on, it may be a violation of the Prime Direction. With that knowledge, it's easy to figure out what to do next:
Because fuck the Prime Directive, that's why.
(really, it might not actually be against the Prime Directive. The civilization does have warp technology, they just don't know that they do. And there are thousands or possibly millions of lives at stake. It's kind of a gray area. But, whatever. If there's an option to punch the Prime Directive, we're going to take that option. Because it's more fun that way)
Anyway, this old guys comes in with some pills to help Our Heroes headaches. I question the intelligence of just eating random pills of unknown origin. But Bones says that they seem herbal. So they must be safe.
Sometimes, I wonder how any of them ever remember to breathe.
So the old man explains that he knows how it feels to get on the Oracle's bad side. You see, he tends to disobey the Oracle a lot, including the one time he climbed a mountain and found out the name of the episode.
Old Man: For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky.
'Cause, you see, he's on a space ship, and those are hollow inside, but the planet's "surface" is actually subterranean, so when he climbed the mountain, he was was able to reach out and literally touch the sky.
At this point, the Oracle does what it should have done back on that mountain and kills the old man.
Then Natira comes in with some followers and seems distressingly unperturbed by the body on the floor. Whatever, you guys, the Oracle kills people all the time. It's what you get for questioning things.
Bones then has to sit down for a little bit and Natira looks concerned for Bones' wellbeing. She didn't know that the Oracle would have such an ill effect on him. But, on the plus side, Our Heroes get to wander around the civilization freely now!
Kirk: Dude, Bones! I think Natira likes you! Likes you, likes you, I mean. If you get what I mean and I think you do.
McCoy: Well, can you blame her? I am pretty damn awesome.
Kirk: Fuck yeah, I can blame her. I am ten times more awesome then you.
McCoy: You are such a wonderful friend.
Kirk: Whatever, this means that you get to seduce our way out of the situation. Do you think you can handle it? It's harder than it seems. Heh heh heh. harder
So Spock and Kirk go off to explore Yonada while Bones and Natira talk. Alone. This includes this honest to God bit of conversation:
Natira: Is there a woman for you?
McCoy: No, there isn't.
Natira: Does McCoy find me attractive?
McCoy: Oh yes, yes I do.
And, see, if Kirk were having that conversation, I would have doubted his sincerity. But the Bones method of seduction is honesty and being a Southern Gentleman. Though I wonder if he's ever going to tell her his first name.
Natira then asks Bones to stay on Yonada as her mate.
The girl moves fast. I mean, they met maybe an hour ago. They've been talking for five minutes. Bones points out that they are pretty much complete strangers. She counters with that being what makes the relationship fun.
Hey, pretty soon Yonada is going to reach the promised land that the creators promised! Once they get there, Natira is going to be in charge! And McCoy can rule by her side! Come on, Bones, doesn't being King of the world sound good to you?
Natira's next argument to try to get McCoy to stay is to tap into his loneliness. Because apparently he's terribly lonely and have been his whole life. Boy, it's a good thing I haven't gotten to the episode where we find out that he has an ex-wife and a daughter, otherwise I'd feel bad for them. And that Yeoman he hit on in the episode Shore Leave. Not to mention his boyfriends Kirk and Spock.
OH, AND DAX FROM DS9. HE SLEPT WITH HER/IT IN COLLEGE. ARE YOU SAYING THAT DAX MEANT NOTHING TO YOU, DOCTOR? THAT'S COLD, MAN. I DON'T CARE IF THAT WON'T BE CANON FOR 28 YEARS**. DAX IS AWESOME.
...
Anyway, Bones finally lets Natira know that he's dying. She's surprisingly okay with this!
Natira: Baby, my heart sings for you, baby.
She explains that she loved him the moment she saw him and would take whatever time with him she could get.
And then they make out.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Bones got some.
***So, while Bones is getting busy, Spock and Kirk go exploring. They poke around the room of the Oracle and figure out that the people of Noyada are the descendants of a race of people from a planet, Fabrini, whose solar system was destroyed when their sun went nova. The ship has been traveling through space for something like 10,000 years.
Man, it's really convenient that Spock can read their language. Otherwise they never would have found any of that out.
Then Natira comes in to consult the Oracle about something very important.
Natira: Can McCoy be my forever boy?
Oracle: If he's cool with it, sure. Make sure he doesn't misbehave. I hate that. Speaking of misbehaving, wtf are those two doing here?
So Kirk and Spock are caught, tazed, and sentenced to death. Bones goes to his beloved and begs for Kirk and Spock's lives.
McCoy: They're idiots, but they don't deserve to die for it.
Natira: They committed a crime. We can't let that shit stand.
McCoy: Please let them go? For me?
Natira: Well, I suppose they can live if they promise not to come back.
And then Natira kisses Bones' hand, which makes me wonder about gender roles and how they apply to Bones.
So Bones escorts Spock and Kirk up to the "surface", where he tells them that he won't be returning to the Enterprise. No, he doesn't care that they're going to blow up Noyada if it doesn't change its course, stop being such a drama queen, Kirk.
Bones goes back to Natiri and agrees to be her husband and follow her people's laws. Man, he is never allowed to the seduction part of an episode ever again. I not sure if it's because he sucks at it or if just too good.
Anyway, Bones and Natiri go off to their wedding ceremony in from of the Oracle. I am not above admitting that I giggled through the ceremony like I would in any wedding scene. I AM A ROMANTIC, OKAY.
McCoy: One mind, one heart, one life.
HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO BONES WHEN HE SAYS THAT?
Really, the only downside of the whole thing is the obedience chip put in Bones' head. You know, the one that killed the Old Man earlier. BUT WHATEVER, IT'S STILL AWESOME.
Anyway, after the totally awesome, I don't care what you say, ceremony, Natiri shows Bones the book that the people are not allowed to read until they've reached the promised land. It holds many secrets! Now, off to the honeymoon!
Meanwhile, Kirk has finally contacted Starfleet Command. Starfleet tells Kirk to back the fuck off of Yonada. They'll deal with it. Kirk has already lost one officer to Yonada, no need to screw up further.
Just as Kirk is about to get his sulk on, Bones hails him on his communicator. He thinks he knows how to solve the problem! There's this book, you see, and-
And this point, the Oracle makes him shut the fuck up. The moral of the story being that obedience chips are bad.
When Kirk and Spock beam back to Yonada to check on Bones after he stopped answering his comms, Natira is cradling Bones' head. She's also super pissed at them for trying to kill her one true love.
She gets even more pissed when they remove Bones' obedience chip. She tries to call for the guards, but Kirk does what Kirk does best and manhandles her into a corner with a hand over her mouth.
Boy, it's a good thing Bones is out of it. I'd hate to think what he'd do to Kirk if he found out that he was treating his Special Lady that way.
So Kirk tries to explain the whole space ship thing to Natira who isn't happy about it, and by the feeling of her obedience chip, the Oracle isn't happy about it either. So she goes running off to the Oracle, but doesn't call the guards on Our Heroes, leaving them free to pursue her without the locals getting tetchy about it.
Natira tries to talk to the Oracle, but he's kinda pissed that she's listening to any truth that isn't his. So he takes it out on her obedience chip. She collapses and Our Heroes arrive to save the day. Bones cradles her head has Spock removes her chip.
So, of course, then the Oracle tries to kill them by turning the entire room into a giant oven. I have to assume that the room is hooked up to do this because the people of Noyada enjoy baking giant pizzas during the weekend.
Kirk and Spock grab the book the Fabrini left the Noyadans and find the main control room with it. Then Spock, being Spock, manages to turn off the heating elements so that Natiri and Bones don't fry. Kirk and Spock then start poking around to see if they can get the ship back on course the the destination the Fabrini originally meant the Noyadans to go to.
While they do that, Bones and Natiri have a talk. Sometime in the last few minutes, Bones has decided that he can't possibly stay on Noyada. He wants to explore the universe and try to find a cure for his disease and to help others. He tells her that she could come with him. Natira says that Noyada is her universe. He came to them to save them. How could she possibly abandon them after all that work he did? Someone needs to look out for them. So they go their separate ways.
I would have to rewatch it, but I don't think either of them mention getting a divorce or breaking up.
Okay, yeah, I ship Bones/Natiri. DON'T JUDGE ME.
Kirk and Spock fix the ship so that it's heading in the right direction. And then Spock, to top everything off, finds the Fabrini's information banks. Which includes their vast medical knowledge. Which includes the cure for Xenopolycythemia.
CONVENIENT.
So Bones goes back to the Enterprise with Spock and Kirk and gets cured.
Kirk: You know, they're going to reach their new planet in something like 390 days. We can arrange to be in the same vicinity at the same time. If you know what I mean.
Fuck yeah, you guys, in 390 days, Bones gets to make a booty call.
Wouldn't it be great if he remembered all this next episode?
Anyway, this whole episode can actually be described by this macro that I saved on my computer last year, but hadn't actually allowed myself to read until today:
*You would think that Scotty would have the best booze. This is not necessarily so. Scotty has the most booze that is often of questionable legality. A lot of it also comes from the still he keeps in engineering. ...I may have read too much fanfic on the subject.
**FUCK YEAH, I JUST DID THE MATH
***I did not make this, FYI. I love the things I find on the internet.