And you're singing the songs

So. "Spock's Brain". That happened.

First, though, I'm gonna bitch about cbs.com. See, last summer I was watching the first season of Star Trek off of the website. I stopped when I got the dvds. Now, I don't have the third season on DVD, so I went back to the website. They have completely redesigned it to be as annoying to navigate as possible. It's now got a video that plays automatically (the last episode of the series). Beneath the video is a box that shows four episodes. And by "four episodes", I mean "as many as four versions of one episode, but at least two versions of two episodes". The episodes in the box are the last two of the series. If you want to find a particular episode, you have to click through the 62 pages to find it. Last summer you could click between seasons, or, if you wished, view the most popular episodes. To find "Spock's Brain", I used the search feature on the site and I found four links for I assume the full video for the episode, but no indication as to what the differences between the four videos are (I understand one remastered and one as originally aired, but what about the other two?). And then there were the over 4000 other hits for Spock's Brain. So I look forward to changing visual quality throughout the third season as I click random links. I am also going to have to look up an episode list for the third season, because I don't know all the episode names off the top of my head and to hell like I'm clicking through Star Trek, four videos at a time, just to find what comes after Spock's Brain.

My point: I want the third season on DVD so bad omg.

( On to the episode itself )

So, I just watched an episode of Star Trek. I haven't watched an episode in months. Now that I don't have school work distracting me, I can get back to watching it.

I watched "Bread and Circuses" ("ah, that one", said my mother) and it was just chock full of Spock/McCoy, wasn't it?

( 'Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock? You're more afraid of living. Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let your human half peek out. That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling' )

I just watched By Any Other Name. In this episode we're told how Kirk, Spock, Bones, and Scotty each solve a problem.

Kirk, as we all know, seduces the problem.
Spock plays mind games with the problem. Preferably over a nice game of chess.
Bones injects the problem, proving that he does actually know how to do medicine.
And Scotty drinks the problem under the table, like a boss.

Alien: What is this?
Scotty: It. It's. It's green.

I spent the first half of the episode kind of bored and the second half amused for possibly the wrong reasons. So good times.

Me: *watching A Private Little War.*
Dramatic Music: *starts playing*
Mom: *from across the room* Ah! The single-horned space yeti!
Me: *pauses DVD*
Me: *stares at the single-horned space yeti*
Me: Mom. When was the last time you saw this episode?
Mom: Ummmm. Twenty, twenty-five years ago. It is the space yeti, right?
Me: Mom. I can't remember my room number at school. How do remember what's on my screen right now?
Mom: Well. I really like Star Trek. It's a thing.
Me: Right.

Other than that, my response to the whole episode was "Really?" and not even in an awesome "REALLY? SPACE GANGSTERS?" kind of way, either.

Today I watched the TOS episode A Piece of the Action, or, has it shall henceforth be known, Gangsters in SPACE! Because that's what it was.

I'm really not sure where to start. I mean. Gangsters. Gangsters. They land on a planet where men just walk around with tommy guns and the women, while not carrying tommy guns (and how unfair is that?) do have hand guns of some kind and wear hats that I envy. Seriously, why did those hats go out of fashion? I would look so cute in one!

...

Anyway.

You want to know how good Scotty is at his job? The only directions he had was "an intersection with a yellow fire hydrant". And you know what? He found that hydrant. Because he's Montgomery goddamn Scott and if given the instructions "That place. With the thing. You know?" he could find it. That's why he's assigned to the Enterprise. To be the only competent person on board.

Well, him and Doctor McCoy. Who is such a good doctor that he can declare someone dead with out properly examining him or even, really, looking at him. He was able to feel the life leave that man's body. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS.

My beloved elder brother made fun of the show for having gangsters and of me for watching it. I told him that a) Gangsters are awesome, b) The setting isn't exactly the point, it's the people involved, c) It makes more sense than the Nazi Germany planet* and d) he's a jerk. Really, the reason this episode existed was to make use of old props and put William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy in awesome suits and have everyone waving around tommy guns. And because gangsters are awesome.

I also love how incredibly incompetent the crew of the Enterprise is at doing just about anything. Seriously, every time they went and saw someone on that planet they got kidnapped at gun point. Never mind that they had superior training and technology, the power of the suit overwhelmed them. It was only after they got suits of their own that everything really started going their way.

And by "of their own", I mean Kirk went and stripped a couple of guys! And he didn't even buy them dinner first! For shame, sir. You have a reputation to keep up, remember.

It's great, by the way, how the suits fit them perfectly. Very fortuitous.

And Captain Kirk can't drive a car. He in fact fails at it. I'm sure that if the car was capable of being seduced, he would have been all over it, though. (Perhaps not with his Vulcan boyfriend right there? Did Kirk ever seduce any one where Spock could see him?)

Twin decided that given the rules of Fizzwig that Kirk stated, Spock could probably come up with the actual game. And then beat everyone at it. Like a boss.

I decided that if Uhura had gone down to the planet she could have understood all their slang and used it right back at them. Only without sounding as douchey as Captain Kirk. Because she's a linguist and linguists will eventually take over the world**.

Is it bad, that when Scotty beamed one of the crime lords from one point on the planet to the another point on the planet my first reaction was "BUT NEITHER END HAD A PROPER TRANSPORTER PAD, YOU CAN'T BEAM WITH OUT ONE D:"? Because I did. Because I am a geek. Yes.

I also watched The Gamesters of Triskelion yesterday and I have to wonder why the higher life forms/disembodied brains were gambling on kidnapped gladiators and what they were gambling with. I mean, does Triskelion have any sort of economy at all? Do they have a means of exchanging their- what I assume was- monetary units? And it's good to know that there's no situation that Kirk won't seduce his way out of if he can. And with his shirt off, too! Bless his little heart.

*I haven't actually watched the Nazi Germany episode yet, but I can't imagine how they can have that make sense. I mean, Nazi Germany had reasons for existing. There was a clear line of events that lead up to Nazis. Compared to that, anybody can turn into gangsters.
**I ask my linguist overlords to remember their humble servant skyfyre and think well upon her.

( in conclusion )

You know, for all that Kirk is the one with the reputation of seducing alien priestesses, Bones is the one who ended up in the weird D/s relationship with the alien queen. She even named her (their?) kid after him.

Doctor McCoy: The lay you never saw coming*.

*so to speak

McCoy: Soooooo. What was Spock like as a child?
Amanda: He was the most adorable little Vulcan child! He had this teddy-bear that he just would not be parted from. Or the Vulcan equivalent of a teddy-bear, anyway. Now, excuse me, I need to go be awesome over there.
McCoy: omg. SPOCK SPOCK. YOU HAD A TEDDY BEAR AS A CHILD.
Spock: Dear Doctor McCoy,
omg, stfu. It had 6 inch fangs and could rip your face off.
Logically,
Spock
McCoy: NOPE, IT'S STILL AWESOME. A TEDDY BEAR.
Kirk: ilu guys.

Sarek: Blah blah blah, i r vulcan.
Kirk: Blah blah blah, boring ship stuff.
Sarek: Wife, attend.
Amanda: Well, alright, I suppose I won't embarrass you during a diplomatic mission. But only because I love you.
Kirk: You think you're so special 'cause your partner comes when you call? Mine can do that too. SPOCK, C'MERE.
Spock: I hate everything. Or, I would if I had emotions.

Diplomatic relations: *fall apart*
Kirk: *punches diplomatic relations in the face.*
Diplomatic relations: *stabs Kirk in back*
Kirk: Well, fuck.

Spock: It is only logical to let my father die.
Amanda: OMG, YOU ARE PART HUMAN TOO.
Spock: DADDY WOULD WANT ME TO BE LOGICAL.
Amanda: *SLAPS SPOCK OMG*
Me: FUCK YEAH, AMANDA.
Spock: omg, mommy's mad at me. ;_;

McCoy: *performs open heart vulcan surgery. during a battle. with the power going out. Fuck yeah.*
Kirk: *does something heroic, idk, McCoy was being more awesome.*

McCoy: So, at the end of the episode, Spock and Kirk (and Spock's dad, whatevs) are both bedridden in my medbay.
Kirk: Well, sure, but-
McCoy: I'M THE MEDIC, I SAY SHUSH.
Kirk: *pouts*
McCoy: omg, It is awesome to be me right now. Now, Amanda, about Spock's childhood...

And then McCoy and Amanda went and were awesome. He made her Mint Juleps and she baked him cookies, and the gossiped like nobody's business. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.

It has been brought to my attention that some of you have been talking about my love for Doctor McCoy. I don't understand why you would be talking about my love for him. Do you think it is strange? Because it's not. Because he is the most awesome person ever. I mean, the man can cure a rainy day! Don't try to deny it! When you can cure a moving boulder, you can do just about anything! And he was all like "Whatevs" to a knife being held to his throat! And he keeps booze in the sick bay! And he can kick your ass without spilling a drop of his drink! And he's all Southern! And snarky! And a doctor! And awesome!

ANYWAY, I've watched some more episodes, so let's see what I remember!

First. Nobody mourns for Adonais. Apollo's a douche. I also demand that just once when a super-powered man gives a female officer a pretty dress to wear her reaction isn't "Oooooh!" but "Um. Can I have my uniform back?". I would also appreciate it if she wasn't around just to fall in love with whatever man's around. Yes, I know it was the 60's and just having female officers at all was pretty awesome, but still. On the plus side, this time the woman (who's name I don't even remember) sided with saving the Enterprise.

Also, Chekov's early hair looks like something died on his head. Even a few episodes in the season, I'm not really feeling the Chekov vibe. He was adorable in the new movie! I loved him in the movie! This Chekov just sort of annoys me. Even when he does get his own hair.

After watching "The Changeling" I came to the conclusion that Spock will mind meld with anything that will stay still long enough. I mean, seriously. Crazy man? Rock monster? Robot? He doesn't care! He'll meld with them all! Also, I'm assuming that nobody pays attention to the whole Nomad Wiped Uhura's Mind thing, because I don't care if they can re-educate her, Nomad also wiped everything that made her Uhura and you can't reteach experiences. And it's not like that bit was in any way important to the plot, when they already displayed Nomad's power on Scotty. That annoyed me greatly. "YOU HAVE ALREADY MADE AN INFINITE NUMBER OF ERRORS. EXECUTE YOUR PRIME FUNCTION" "Very well" "NO WAIT! Beam him out." KABOOM "YAY WHOO Warp factor one"


MIRROR, MIRROR ONLY FURTHERS MY "SPOCK MIND-MELDS WITH ANYTHING THAT MOVES THEORY". That was pretty awesome, 'cause McCoy actually looked freaked out by the process. And Evil!Spock backed McCoy into a wall, and it was pretty awesome.

I demand to know what Evil!McCoy is like in the Mirror, Mirror verse. I mean, we only see him for a couple of seconds and everyone is talking over everyone else and Evil!Kirk looks downright feral. I bet Evil!McCoy is almost as hot as normal McCoy.

Kudos to Uhura who, when in a uniform not her own, was all "Dude. What the shit?", though only conveyed through a look to Scotty. Who kind of shushed her. :( And she was the one who was all "I'm frightened D:", right? Hmmm. I don't think I approve of that, either.

Evil!Sulu looked really good with that scar down the side of his face, I'm just saying. I wonder how he got it? I also love how freaked out Sulu was at the idea of facing down some vulcans.

And at one point the Good!Guys were all like "If we're here, then our evil counterparts must be on our Enterprise! What could be happening?!" and then we cut to Good!Spock throwing the Evil!Guys into the brig and going "Wow, this is pretty fascinating. Stay put 'til the captain gets here" and I was all "ilu, Spock".

And Good!Kirk to Evil!Spock was all "Dude, this whole thing is fucking illogical. After I leave, stage a coup. It'll be awesome." and I think it says so much about Spock that good or evil, his personality doesn't change that much. Whereas, Evil!Kirk was clearly feral.

I mean, Kirk was all like "Wait. You were able to detect that easily? What the hell, evil me?" and Spock was all like "As civilized men, it was easy for you to act like barbarians. As Barbarians, it was impossible for them to act like civilized men. Also: That was a fascinating look at the nature of the homo sapiens." And Kirk was all "I think we've just been insulted" and McCoy was all "I know we've just been insulted" and there was laughter all around.

All in all, I like it when people are ~*EVIL*~, for reasons I don't feel like looking into.

In regards to The Apple, I love how McCoy is all for the planet until he finds out that they don't know what sex is. Then it stops being paradise. I also loved that there was, once again, dangerous flora. And, of course, the flower that killed the security guard (he was looking at it funny! It didn't like it!) wouldn't kill Spock. I'm kind of surprised Spock didn't try to mind-meld with the flower. It would have been awesome!

I'm not sure how I feel about Chekov getting the girl. He stills annoys me, even though I desperately want to like him. (Look, I know that it was amazing that they had a Russian on board when Star Trek was filmed during the Cold War. Chekov still gets on my nerves).

Also, let's teach the villagers about sex and violence and free will, but let's not tell them about pregnancy. That'll ruin the surprise!

Also also, I re-watched City on the Edge of Forever, and there were two beds in Kirk and Spock's apartment, but one of them was completely covered with their makeshift computer and I doubt they'd risk breaking it when moving it. So they might as well have had one bed.

Anyway, have some Star Trek motivational posters. Because who doesn't love motivational posters? (My favorite is the one with the gorn).

I just watched "City on the Edge of Forever". I may have giggled more than was really appropriate. But that's just how I react to things I like! Anyway, I'll try to remember at least some of the things I thought during the episode. In no particular order:

1. Starfleet Officers really need better training. I mean, not only did their Chief Medical Office stab himself with his own hypospray, but the security team also can't guard people worth shit. I don't care if he got Vulcan neck pinched into unconsciousness, that's no reason to stop watching over him. Believe it or not, people can regain consciousness. I know, I was surprised too.

2. Ha ha, the time machine called Spock stupid.

3. McCoy may be a simple country doctor, but he totally took out that transporter technician without any effort. Because he's awesome (we'll ignore that whole impaled with his own hypospray thing)

4. Did no one ever question the strange noises that came from Kirk and Spock's room (get your mind out of the gutter! We'll get to those thoughts in a moment!). I mean, there were all these explosions and high pitched noises! There was a fire! And it didn't seem like he turned the machine off when he left the room (which probably caused the whole "fire" thing, really).

5. I love how Spock made the computer machine thing basically because Kirk dared him. "Oh, you can't build a computer with a stick and some chewing gum? Oh, dear. I thought you were better than that. Oh, well, I suppose such things are simply beyond you. It's okay, I understand". Which really just goes to show that, while hot, Captain Kirk is kind of a jerk.

6. It took me most of the episode to remember that the girl's name is Edith Keller. I kept calling her Sergeant Sarah Brown in my head.

7. Speaking of her, how great is it that McCoy and Kirk flirt with the same girl without even realizing it?

8. Of course she had to die, Kirk. That's the way that TV works!

9. You know, the easy way to explain Spock would have been to say that he has a birth defect. And only bring it up if people ask. Otherwise it seems as if you're hiding something.

10. Never send The Enterprise crew on any sort of covert op. They would suck at it.

11. They also make poor criminals. Stealing in broad day light near a busy street? Good job, guys.

12. I love how even paranoid, deranged, exhausted, and just generally having a bad time, McCoy still takes a moment to go "omg, I would love to go see an old Earth hospital, even though they are creepy as fuck".

13. I am possibly more amused than I should be that that guy phasered himself in the face.

14. I, of course, feel very poorly for Kirk, because he actually liked this girl.

15. On the note of Kirk like girls, DIRTY THOUGHT #1: Kirk and Spock changed in front of each other when putting on the civilian clothes

16. DIRTY THOUGHT #2: There appeared to be only one bed in their apartment and very little floor space.

17. DIRTY THOUGHT #3: Doctor Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy.


I was talking about these things with my beloved mother and one thing lead to another and, well. I demand that someone write me an episode of Star Trek as written by Mary Shelley. Focusing on the relationship between Kirk and Spock. (McCoy can come too, because I love him most, and I'm sure Mary would have been okay with idea of the three of them)