It totally hasn't been a year since I last watched an episode of Star Trek. It's been, like, 10 months. And in my own defense, the last episode I watched was "The Empath." FEMINIST RAGE, y'all. One female character and she has no voice and is treated like an object. SO MUCH RAGE.

But, yeah, last night I watched "Elaan of Troyius," which had three female characters with speaking lines! And one of them stabbed people! It was pretty awesome. Granted, none of the female characters spoke to each other, but I've come to expect that from Star Trek. I WILL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET.

( Containing my feminist rage and my amazing changing tenses )

Yesterday I sent several emails almost like a responsible adult. It was slightly less mature of me that I did it all while still wearing my pajamas in the middle of the afternoon.

I am a winner.

Today I got my hair cut to around my ears, because that's actually the length I prefer it.

Also among my list of accomplishments is watching another episode of Star Trek. This wasn't so bad, though, as it was actually a decent episode. I'm wondering if that's because Chekov spends most of it restrained to a biobed and Kirk spends most of it unable to speak.

Anyway.

( Also, I've learned how to make screen caps of the episodes. Fear me. )

Anyway, so. Day of the Dove.

( have I ever mentioned how much I don't like Chekov? )

After several days worth of distractions, I watched the next episode of Star Trek.

( randomly: Spock/Uhura is among my many ships. FYI. )

So I watched The Paradise Syndrome last night, at 11 pm after drinking a giant mug of coffee.

Because I make awesome life choices.

So let's see what I can remember of the episode.

( See Spock. See Spock angst. Angst, Spock, angst )

It has been brought to my attention that some of you have been talking about my love for Doctor McCoy. I don't understand why you would be talking about my love for him. Do you think it is strange? Because it's not. Because he is the most awesome person ever. I mean, the man can cure a rainy day! Don't try to deny it! When you can cure a moving boulder, you can do just about anything! And he was all like "Whatevs" to a knife being held to his throat! And he keeps booze in the sick bay! And he can kick your ass without spilling a drop of his drink! And he's all Southern! And snarky! And a doctor! And awesome!

ANYWAY, I've watched some more episodes, so let's see what I remember!

First. Nobody mourns for Adonais. Apollo's a douche. I also demand that just once when a super-powered man gives a female officer a pretty dress to wear her reaction isn't "Oooooh!" but "Um. Can I have my uniform back?". I would also appreciate it if she wasn't around just to fall in love with whatever man's around. Yes, I know it was the 60's and just having female officers at all was pretty awesome, but still. On the plus side, this time the woman (who's name I don't even remember) sided with saving the Enterprise.

Also, Chekov's early hair looks like something died on his head. Even a few episodes in the season, I'm not really feeling the Chekov vibe. He was adorable in the new movie! I loved him in the movie! This Chekov just sort of annoys me. Even when he does get his own hair.

After watching "The Changeling" I came to the conclusion that Spock will mind meld with anything that will stay still long enough. I mean, seriously. Crazy man? Rock monster? Robot? He doesn't care! He'll meld with them all! Also, I'm assuming that nobody pays attention to the whole Nomad Wiped Uhura's Mind thing, because I don't care if they can re-educate her, Nomad also wiped everything that made her Uhura and you can't reteach experiences. And it's not like that bit was in any way important to the plot, when they already displayed Nomad's power on Scotty. That annoyed me greatly. "YOU HAVE ALREADY MADE AN INFINITE NUMBER OF ERRORS. EXECUTE YOUR PRIME FUNCTION" "Very well" "NO WAIT! Beam him out." KABOOM "YAY WHOO Warp factor one"


MIRROR, MIRROR ONLY FURTHERS MY "SPOCK MIND-MELDS WITH ANYTHING THAT MOVES THEORY". That was pretty awesome, 'cause McCoy actually looked freaked out by the process. And Evil!Spock backed McCoy into a wall, and it was pretty awesome.

I demand to know what Evil!McCoy is like in the Mirror, Mirror verse. I mean, we only see him for a couple of seconds and everyone is talking over everyone else and Evil!Kirk looks downright feral. I bet Evil!McCoy is almost as hot as normal McCoy.

Kudos to Uhura who, when in a uniform not her own, was all "Dude. What the shit?", though only conveyed through a look to Scotty. Who kind of shushed her. :( And she was the one who was all "I'm frightened D:", right? Hmmm. I don't think I approve of that, either.

Evil!Sulu looked really good with that scar down the side of his face, I'm just saying. I wonder how he got it? I also love how freaked out Sulu was at the idea of facing down some vulcans.

And at one point the Good!Guys were all like "If we're here, then our evil counterparts must be on our Enterprise! What could be happening?!" and then we cut to Good!Spock throwing the Evil!Guys into the brig and going "Wow, this is pretty fascinating. Stay put 'til the captain gets here" and I was all "ilu, Spock".

And Good!Kirk to Evil!Spock was all "Dude, this whole thing is fucking illogical. After I leave, stage a coup. It'll be awesome." and I think it says so much about Spock that good or evil, his personality doesn't change that much. Whereas, Evil!Kirk was clearly feral.

I mean, Kirk was all like "Wait. You were able to detect that easily? What the hell, evil me?" and Spock was all like "As civilized men, it was easy for you to act like barbarians. As Barbarians, it was impossible for them to act like civilized men. Also: That was a fascinating look at the nature of the homo sapiens." And Kirk was all "I think we've just been insulted" and McCoy was all "I know we've just been insulted" and there was laughter all around.

All in all, I like it when people are ~*EVIL*~, for reasons I don't feel like looking into.

In regards to The Apple, I love how McCoy is all for the planet until he finds out that they don't know what sex is. Then it stops being paradise. I also loved that there was, once again, dangerous flora. And, of course, the flower that killed the security guard (he was looking at it funny! It didn't like it!) wouldn't kill Spock. I'm kind of surprised Spock didn't try to mind-meld with the flower. It would have been awesome!

I'm not sure how I feel about Chekov getting the girl. He stills annoys me, even though I desperately want to like him. (Look, I know that it was amazing that they had a Russian on board when Star Trek was filmed during the Cold War. Chekov still gets on my nerves).

Also, let's teach the villagers about sex and violence and free will, but let's not tell them about pregnancy. That'll ruin the surprise!

Also also, I re-watched City on the Edge of Forever, and there were two beds in Kirk and Spock's apartment, but one of them was completely covered with their makeshift computer and I doubt they'd risk breaking it when moving it. So they might as well have had one bed.

Anyway, have some Star Trek motivational posters. Because who doesn't love motivational posters? (My favorite is the one with the gorn).

I just watched "City on the Edge of Forever". I may have giggled more than was really appropriate. But that's just how I react to things I like! Anyway, I'll try to remember at least some of the things I thought during the episode. In no particular order:

1. Starfleet Officers really need better training. I mean, not only did their Chief Medical Office stab himself with his own hypospray, but the security team also can't guard people worth shit. I don't care if he got Vulcan neck pinched into unconsciousness, that's no reason to stop watching over him. Believe it or not, people can regain consciousness. I know, I was surprised too.

2. Ha ha, the time machine called Spock stupid.

3. McCoy may be a simple country doctor, but he totally took out that transporter technician without any effort. Because he's awesome (we'll ignore that whole impaled with his own hypospray thing)

4. Did no one ever question the strange noises that came from Kirk and Spock's room (get your mind out of the gutter! We'll get to those thoughts in a moment!). I mean, there were all these explosions and high pitched noises! There was a fire! And it didn't seem like he turned the machine off when he left the room (which probably caused the whole "fire" thing, really).

5. I love how Spock made the computer machine thing basically because Kirk dared him. "Oh, you can't build a computer with a stick and some chewing gum? Oh, dear. I thought you were better than that. Oh, well, I suppose such things are simply beyond you. It's okay, I understand". Which really just goes to show that, while hot, Captain Kirk is kind of a jerk.

6. It took me most of the episode to remember that the girl's name is Edith Keller. I kept calling her Sergeant Sarah Brown in my head.

7. Speaking of her, how great is it that McCoy and Kirk flirt with the same girl without even realizing it?

8. Of course she had to die, Kirk. That's the way that TV works!

9. You know, the easy way to explain Spock would have been to say that he has a birth defect. And only bring it up if people ask. Otherwise it seems as if you're hiding something.

10. Never send The Enterprise crew on any sort of covert op. They would suck at it.

11. They also make poor criminals. Stealing in broad day light near a busy street? Good job, guys.

12. I love how even paranoid, deranged, exhausted, and just generally having a bad time, McCoy still takes a moment to go "omg, I would love to go see an old Earth hospital, even though they are creepy as fuck".

13. I am possibly more amused than I should be that that guy phasered himself in the face.

14. I, of course, feel very poorly for Kirk, because he actually liked this girl.

15. On the note of Kirk like girls, DIRTY THOUGHT #1: Kirk and Spock changed in front of each other when putting on the civilian clothes

16. DIRTY THOUGHT #2: There appeared to be only one bed in their apartment and very little floor space.

17. DIRTY THOUGHT #3: Doctor Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy.


I was talking about these things with my beloved mother and one thing lead to another and, well. I demand that someone write me an episode of Star Trek as written by Mary Shelley. Focusing on the relationship between Kirk and Spock. (McCoy can come too, because I love him most, and I'm sure Mary would have been okay with idea of the three of them)

So, I just watched "Space Seed" and I would like to say this:

KHAAAAAAAN!

Anyway, I would like to take a moment to say that one of the many reasons I love Doctor McCoy is because when confronted with a man holding a knife to his throat* is to give advice on the best way to kill him. Because Bones McCoy is bad ass.

I realize that the series aired in the 60's, but that doesn't stop the idea of WWIII in the 90's from being hilarious.

I think KHAAAAAAAAN actually went about seducing half the ship.

Also, a bit of advice, never give anyone full access to your library. Especially all the manuals to your ship. Especially after the person just threatened your CMO with a knife.

(I love how Bones didn't even care. "Nearly died a bloody death at the hands of a man from 200 years ago? Eh, just another Tuesday afternoon on the Enterprise!")

Leave it to the historian to fall in love with, basically, an artifact.

Lieutenant Uhura is fierce. Hell no, she won't open the communication frequency. Are you her captain? She thinks not.

I would like to point out that at one point KHAAAAAAAAN had his head between Kirk's thighs. Just, you know, fyi.

I'm also unsure about how intelligent Kirk's decision to let the Super Powered People have their own planet. I mean, you gave them access to your manuals. They know of the build star ships. They have a desire to take over the universe. This cannot end well.

But, most importantly, Bones is hardcore.

(also, my favorite parts are when it's clear the Kirk, Bones, and Spock are actually friends. You know, snarking, teasing, and being awesome at one another. I'm a simple girl of simple pleasures and it's the little things in life that make you smile)

...

KHAAAAAAN

*btw, Bones, keeping the sharp surgical implements where anyone can get to them? Not that bright. I love how you hide the brandy but not the weapons. Priorities: you have them.

Me: Evil Kirk!
Mom: Ah, did you just watch Mirror, Mirror?
Me: No, there was no evil Spock running around.
Mom: The one with the android, then?
Me: ... How often does this happen?
Mom: Well....
Me: Mother, it only ran for three seasons! Surely they had other things to do!
Mom: Well, clearly they had detachable ids. "Detachable ids", now there's a nifty phrase...

Also, Bones keeps brandy in the sickbay. Just fyi.